Musings
Empty Arms
Psalm 118:8-9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.
I am meditating on “Empty Arms”. Tonight I was looking through an old photo album that I brought home from my grandmother’s house that had a lot of my baby pictures in it, and it also had photos from the wedding of my mom and stepfather. I’ve looked at it now about five times, but tonight, something about it took off a scab I thought was healed. I’ve forgiven my stepfather many times over the years, but it is so deeply seated in that primal place of the parent-child relationship that I know it will be with me until I die. He chose to empty his arms of me early on. I have never know what it is like to be held by an earthly father, and I never will. Empty arms.
Today, my son jumped off of his bunk bed with a stringy stuffed animal around his neck. Thankfully, all he got was a flesh wound (a nasty one). But don’t think it escaped me in how many different scenarios
he could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. I faced the possibility of empty arms, as every mother does at least once in her motherhood. But there is Ben’s cousin, Sarah, sitting in a hospital room with her 7-year old, who is suffering with lymphoma, whose pain meds don’t even take because the chemo sucks them right out of his little body. And he is scared. He looks at his mom with pain and fear in his eyes, and she is powerless to do anything. She faces the very real possibility of empty arms.
Sisters, this world is painful. I know it with you. Whether by choice or not, our arms will ache with emptiness at least once in this world. The only thing we can do it throw them up in the air, with a raw, vulnerable heart open to the only one in whom we can take refuge: Jesus Christ, the one who allowed himself to be pried out of the Father’s arms. Oh, to think–that every mother who has ever had to bury a child, and every child who has never known a parent’s tenderness–has an intercessor who sympathizes. A Father and a Son who emptied their arms of each other in order to fill them with you and I.
And so how can we ever cause each other strife? Oh, sisters, we need to embrace each other, put aside grievances, expectations, slanders, misunderstandings, and simply…ache with each other when it aches, rejoice when it’s really good…but guard ourselves against strife and fill each other’s empty arms with each other and with Christ.
What Feeds You Spiritually?
Katie Mendelsohn poses a good question.
What feeds you spiritually?
Besides Sunday morning.
I was considering this question recently and came up with a list, not just one or two things. Relationships with people, nature, study, imagination and creativity, music, helping others. . . I ws struck by the fact that I couldn’t just come up with just one or two things—maybe it helps explain why I get involved in doing a lot of different things, in order to meet all those aspects of how I find God.
I remember hearing of a young devout woman who wanted to be a nun and joined a silent order, only to find that she had cut herself off from one of the main ways that God spoke to her—conversations with others. She still became a nun, but at a different order.
And then there is the reverse question: what hurts you spiritually? I’m not including sin in this consideration—that’s a given. For me, one thing in this list is loud noise.
What about you? What feeds you and draws you closer to the Lord?
What’s On Your Night Table?
While I ponder which controversial subject to tackle for the new year, I thought I’d take a little literary inventory. Life in the harem means a lot of reading time (remember, ladies, this is an imaginary world), so there must be a lot of books represented among us. I asked a group of women this the other night and it’s a neat peek into each others’ minds.
So here are mine:
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. I love Austen’s laser-accuracy with people’s inner motivations and idiosyncrasies. About two sisters, Elinor and Marianne: the former sensible, prudent and reserved; the latter explosively emotional and living life to the extreme. Their love interests bring their foibles to the fore. About halfway through. A nice, light read after my Jane Eyre addiction.
Sex God by Rob Bell. Interestingly, I bought this along with “The Big Night” on DVD, and got a good price on prophylactic supplies on Amazon. TMI, maybe, but I thought it was a funny, though unintended, combo. Heck, i’ve resolved not to be embarrassed about my love life. Though maybe a funnier combo was Big T’s and diapers. I guess it takes one to prevent the other. ANYWAY, the theme of this book is “This is about that”, meaning that sexuality has a deeper context in spirituality, and that the way the first plays out speaks volumes about the other. So far, so good.
Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson. The author of The Message on the whys and wherefores of actually ingesting the Word as opposed to merely reading it, and to reading it in light of the Trinity instead of the light of Self. I had been looking for more tangible direction in my Scripture reading since finishing the Gospels this fall, and this book about the practice of lectio divina is a real blessing. Here’s a quote:
“It is the very nature of language to form rather than to inform. When language is persona, which it is at its best, it reveals; and revelation is always formative — we don’t know more, we become more. Our best users of language, poets and lovers and children and saints, use words to make –make intimacies, make character, make beauty, make goodness, make truth.”
How about you? Submit your current reading list–title, author, one to three sentence synopsis and a quote, if you want–in the comments below. And if you’ve got a book in common with another person, comment on that!
Cookie Swap!
Thank you so much for your one-dish recipes…all very yummy, and keep ‘em coming.
But with Christmas upon us, the goose is getting fat, as so must we, on a plentous plentitude of Christmas cookies, pouring forth from
the horn of plenty.
So! Esther would like to let out the seams a bit on her sari…or whatever it is we wear here in Persia…and so your recipes are requested. Hey, we need something to eat with our KAWFEE.
The parameters:
1. Your traditional, must have cookie
2. The one that makes you secretly prideful with its complicated execution
3. The one that always disappears first from the open-house cookie tray
4. The weird, wacky and fantastic.
There you go! Let’s have at it.
Love,
Esther
Recipes, please
Ladies (and lurking gentlemen),
I need your best one-dish, 30 minute meals. Especially great if they’re grain-free, but I’ll take anything. Let’s help each other get dinner on the table. I’m sure all you harem girls have a hot dinner on the table by 5 pm, but here in Esther’s place it’s PB&J or cereal about a third of the week.
Bring it on!
Jesus, the Prize
The more I think about you, Jesus, the clearer I see your face and see that there is nothing on this earth that is worth having more than you. Nothing. Nothing matters to me but you. No action matters to me but what I see you doing first. I want to follow you. All I ask is that you hold my hand, as I hold my child’s hand when leading them into a new and scary place. For nothing is as frightening as being without you. And nothing could fill my heart with more joy and stillness than you. You are my heart’s desire.
I’ve gathered up all my life and laid it out before me, as if packing a bag for a long trip. And I find I need nothing but you. No plans, no gifts, no talents, no obligations, no striving, no needs. Just you.
Psalm 131:2: “Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.”
Oh, that I would be one that ushers others into your rest. Amen.
The Blogosphere
One of the beauties of the average blog is that the reader is usually anonymous. Maybe you tell your friends about it, the ones you know won’t think you’re crazy. Then they tell their friends, and everyone gets to be nice and detached; if they get angry with you, well, you probably don’t know them; if they were standing behind you on the grocery store line, you and they might never know that you were “that jerk”. But you know what, since Lamb of God hosts this blog, it means I have to face all of you on Sunday mornings. So I have to take a risk of being “that jerk” and telling the truth as I see it, whilst simultaneously having to keep in mind that there’s a chance that people will have beef with me, or that Lamb might unintentionally be painted with the Esther brush. (My opinions do not represent those of Lamb of God Fellowship.) Some crazy person was short enough on sleep one day to agree to give me webspace. But exactly what I love about Lamb is our diversity of opinion on secondary things. “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” If what I write is too strongly opinionated, that’s OK; you’re free to disagree. Maybe we need your blog up here. Blogs are not the gospel. However, they represent a slice of understanding that is valid and valuable. We desperately need each other to speak the truth, in love, about our observations of the world and how it all comes under the gaze of God (gosh, I love that Dry Bones dance song).
Here in Esther’s harem, we practice the university model: the free exchange of ideas. I’ll tell you the truth, I’m nervous as h-e-double-hockey-sticks that some of you might still think I’m “that jerk”. I’ve had several people come to me and tell me I should keep my mouth shut about certain things, because it made them or others uncomfortable. Hearing comments like that makes me reflective, repentant, but sometimes cowardly. I am open to correction, but I do try to speak the truth in love. I’ve been forgiven much, and I try to love much accordingly. So whatever others think, I have to accept that they’re entitled to their opinion. Always keep in mind that here at the Kaffe Klatsch, we’re a melting pot–all coming from different places, with different experiences, and different areas of expertise. So I’ll try to teach you something, and you try to teach me something back, or reflect my own words back to me in a mirror so I can examine myself. I welcome honest debate, real and raw; respectful, loving, but not necessarily polite. Remember, you can always sign your comment “anonymous”. (If anyone would care to actually comment…come on, people!)
I cannot be aught than I am. With Esther, baby, what you see is what you get.
With great love…
Useful Household Hints
My husband recently went garbage picking, with another responsible and upstanding leader in the church, namely the youth pastor. The youth pastor got a gorgeous oriental rug. My dear husband got *another* turntable, and *two more* sets of old speakers. God bless ‘em both. But the man done good. He got me an old 1916 book called “Useful Household Helps, Hints and Receipts: 3000 References”. No, you read that right. Not recipes, receipts. I still don’t know what that means, but OK.
So in honor of garbage pickers everywhere, I am going to place one of these priceless bits of wisdom in each blog entry. I will begin with Part One, which lists the following: Care of the Skin, Teeth and Hair. Toilet Preparations, Beautifiers. Care of the Human Body. Prevention of Disease. Care of the Hands. Perfumes. Home Nursing. Care of Children. Household Remedies. Hygiene. Feeding. Bathing. Care in Dieting. Causes of Disease.
Bathing: Do not bathe when tired. / Avoid bathing within two hours of a meal. / Avoid bathing when the body is cooling after perspiration. / The vigorous and strong may bathe early in the morning on an empty stomach. / Take a daily water bath, not only for cleanliness, but for skin gymnastics.
Read the blog often for more.
Esther’s School of Life, from Katie Mendelsohn
See, ladies, this is what I’m talking about! Everything comes under the gaze of God, and under the auspices of community–not just “spiritual” talk, but teaching each other, sharing what we know. Katie Mendelsohn has some incredible skills she’d like to pass on, so I’m going to make room for that here in Esther’s harem. We all have something we can pass on at the Kaffe Klatsch. So bring it on! –Love, Esther
I recently was talking with a sister (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) who commented that she did not know how to make a pie crust. I remembered a conversation with a friend years ago about how one of her goals in life was to learn to make a pie crust by the age of 30–(she achieved it). And I began thinking about how many of us have things we’d like to learn, but don’t know how to go about doing easily. These goals don’t tend to be major things, but yearnings we have to master some skill or overcome some obstacle. It occurred to me that we could be the answer for each other’s unfulfilled wishes in this regard. I know how to make bread. I sew. I could help someone learn how to read a pattern, for example. I have taught many people how to make bread and would be willing to show more. I’ve never learned to crochet or read a knitting pattern.
Any thoughts, sisters?