I did not vote for either major candidate today. Even though I LOVE Obama and strongly agree with him on 99% of the issues. I donated to his campaign twice. I feel really, really great about my choice though. I wrote in a pro-life democrat that wasn’t even running, on a suggestion from a friend. God showed up with a way for me, at the 11th hour. Praise you, Jesus–you are so good, kind and attentive to the way my heart works.

I have a consistent ethic of life–which means that i am against the shedding of blood in any way–by killing unborn babies, the death penalty, torture, people dying through lack of universal health coverage, destroying the environment, etc. I consider myself a feminist–I believe that anything that is against life is against women and vice-versa. Abortion is a big eugenics experiment and it baffles me that people actually fight for the “right” to shed innocent blood.

The reason I favored Obama originally (until even a few days ago!) was because of his social agenda, including his “abortion reduction plan”. I believed it until I saw the video of him at a Planned Parenthood pledging to sign FOCA (Freedom of Choice Act) into law as one of his first acts in office. To me, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t reduce smoking by pandering to the tobacco lobby. If, as I’ve heard Obama insiders say, he is personally against abortion, why is he making any promised to PP? That’s hypocrisy writ large.

As far as being a “single issue voter”, fine–but I ask myself this: Where would I have wanted to be counted on the single issue of Slavery? Abortion, like slavery, is an issue that trumps every other, even those social issues that I strongly favor, because it is a foundational issue of what it means to be human (as slavery was). If we don’t believe in the dignity of every human being in the womb, what right have we to fight for that dignity when they’re adults?

At the end of the day, though, I know this was a very difficult choice for every Christian I know. There’s not one Christian I know of who did not agonize over this. What I saw was that every one of you, in your heart, wanted to please the Lord, and I believe with all of mine that it’s the heart that He sees, and that he’s pleased with our desire to please Him. Lord, help us–bring our country back to you in the way only YOU can do–by wooing the HEART.

Bless God, America.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast or listen on the radio to “Speaking of Faith” with host Krista Tippet. The following quote was part of a very intriguing  episode on prayer. I was incredibly humbled by this one. It’s by one of the “Desert Fathers”.

“If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action, God will hear everything that he asks.” Abba Zeno

Thank you, Abba Zeno. Touché. I’ll be holding onto this meditation for a while.

In this third dream about Israel, Doug and Jean had gone to Israel and we are sitting at a picnic table showing pictures of their trip. They are describing Israel to me, and as they do, we are suddenly there. The place where we are is like a visitor’s center, very huge. There is a play being performed by young people, college-age. It is a mystery story of some kind. But we know that there is a part of the play where a miracle or miracles that are going to happen. I am sitting in a row of people. Some of them get up and I go to sit back next to the same person I was sitting next to, but it is too close for comfort, and he or she squirms disgustedly, so I move over. The actors are not on stage, but moving around the whole space, even in the audience.

Read the rest of this entry »

From January 25, 2008

On a road trip, returning from IHOP. I look in my Lonely Planet guide and I’m near the Negev Desert in Israel. I decide to explore. The desert is on my left, “civilization” to my right. I go walking in the sand after parking my old light blue Datsun (yes, I said Datsun) and I see a stream bed. I’m thinking how cool it is to be where Jesus walked when I noticed the bed was bone dry, dust and sand. I keep walking and start to see all these rock outcroppings. Read the rest of this entry »

Amy Pursley wrote me recently about a dream she had involving Israel. It spurred me to share a series of dreams I had earlier this year (and I pray the Lord gives me more), also about Israel. From time to time, if the Lord gives me permission, I will post any dreams that he gives me that seem pertinent. I’d love if you share yours, and if you have an interpretation of any of these from the Lord (please, with prayer–not just “impressions”), leave them in the comments below. Love, Esther

A lot of these dreams have recurring themes: “Old” and “New” Jerusalem (with “Old” being ruined, but a place of refuge, where “New” is a façade, hiding a faceless evil–more akin to Babylon), an underground group, and me being there somewhat illegally. Read the rest of this entry »

I wanted to take a minute to write in light of this past Sunday’s worship time. I felt it from up there, and a few people confirmed it, that it was, let’s say, a difficult time for some of us. I felt it was important to acknowledge that, and try to shed some light on some things.

First and foremost, I *know* that worship went very long this week. Please forgive me; I take full responsibility for that. I know that we have a time line, and when I went into the nursery, the kids had it written all over their faces–they were spent! I took that as confirmation that it was just too long. And I apologize that it cut into the sermon time as well.

Secondly, I know that people have had trouble with times of more “improvised” music. It’s kind of like getting your school picture taken–”What do i do with my hands? Do I smile, or keep a straight face? Did my double chin show in that one?” (OK, that’s the end of the analogy.) People have expressed this feeling of discomfort not just with my leading, but with Ben’s too. Some chalk it up to a “looser” or more “artsy” personality. Believe me, I hear that concern. It is not at all my intention, nor Ben’s (I know I speak for him), to alienate anyone. I understand that some folks like to sing the song straight, and that some would like no form at all. I’d like to encourage you to think of those times as “Selahs”, like in the Psalms. A “Selah” is a musical interlude, and is meant to give space for reflection on the passage that was just sung. Sometimes this comes in the form of a word-less instrumental time, and sometimes there is a refrain that the worship leader thinks of, or is prophetically given, that takes a “snapshot” of what was sung.

Maybe this will help: You are not required to sing at those times. Take the time to sit, kneel, close your eyes, open your Bible, and just listen. You are under no obligation or pressure to “follow along”. Don’t worry. You’re not “lost”, and the worship leader is not trying to throw you a curve ball.

The third thing that was brought to my attention was the volume of new songs we have been learning. Again, I apologize; I know it is challenging. But again, there is no pressure to “achieve” anything in worship; if you flub a word or don’t get a melody right away, it’s OK. We have weeks and months to absorb songs into our vocabulary. It might help you to know that the lovely and talented Marya Mendelsohn has been tackling the streamlining of the worship book, or our repertoire. She told me today that she estimates we have five hundred songs. I’ll bet you didn’t know that! Who knew you could keep close to 500 songs in your brain?! But they’re there, and they were all new at one time. I assure you, I am trying to balance new and old. However, I felt (and could be wrong!) that since summer is a somewhat looser time at church, that it would be a better time to learn a couple of new ones so that come fall, there was a contingent of folks already familiar with them. Safety in numbers.

Lastly, I wanted to make sure everyone knew that there is a change underfoot at Lamb with worship; the team that has been leading these past weeks (with Ben and Scott gone) is going to be a permanent team, in rotation with the main worship team. Each team will have its own flavor. Nobody likes a ton of change, and I understand that and hear it. But nonetheless, I’m asking that you allow a measure of grace to us as we get our sea legs. There’s nothing over-spiritual about logistical errors–sometimes the team isn’t at their best, and this Sunday we all realized that. In fact, I am reminded a lot lately of the struggle that happened when Ben started leading worship. It wasn’t pretty. But we all love Ben’s leadership now, and we’re used to it (which is part of why it’s hard these past couple weeks for some). The best way that you can help us as a new worship team is to enter in as best as you can. And please, please please, ask tons of questions. We are one body made of many parts, and each must bring their offering to the table. We as a new team need the congregation. I really invite your dialogue about this; you won’t hurt my feelings (ok, please be nice about it, though!). I can take critique and in fact welcome it. I am no expert–I’m learning just as much as any other person, and so is the team. My deepest desire and aim is to love and know Jesus, and to make him known–whether that’s to strangers, or to my very dear brothers and sisters on Sunday mornings.

Psalm 118:8-9 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.

I am meditating on “Empty Arms”. Tonight I was looking through an old photo album that I brought home from my grandmother’s house that had a lot of my baby pictures in it, and it also had photos from the wedding of my mom and stepfather. I’ve looked at it now about five times, but tonight, something about it took off a scab I thought was healed. I’ve forgiven my stepfather many times over the years, but it is so deeply seated in that primal place of the parent-child relationship that I know it will be with me until I die. He chose to empty his arms of me early on. I have never know what it is like to be held by an earthly father, and I never will. Empty arms.

Today, my son jumped off of his bunk bed with a stringy stuffed animal around his neck. Thankfully, all he got was a flesh wound (a nasty one). But don’t think it escaped me in how many different scenarios
he could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. I faced the possibility of empty arms, as every mother does at least once in her motherhood. But there is Ben’s cousin, Sarah, sitting in a hospital room with her 7-year old, who is suffering with lymphoma, whose pain meds don’t even take because the chemo sucks them right out of his little body. And he is scared. He looks at his mom with pain and fear in his eyes, and she is powerless to do anything. She faces the very real possibility of empty arms.

Sisters, this world is painful. I know it with you. Whether by choice or not, our arms will ache with emptiness at least once in this world. The only thing we can do it throw them up in the air, with a raw, vulnerable heart open to the only one in whom we can take refuge: Jesus Christ, the one who allowed himself to be pried out of the Father’s arms. Oh, to think–that every mother who has ever had to bury a child, and every child who has never known a parent’s tenderness–has an intercessor who sympathizes. A Father and a Son who emptied their arms of each other in order to fill them with you and I.

And so how can we ever cause each other strife? Oh, sisters, we need to embrace each other, put aside grievances, expectations, slanders, misunderstandings, and simply…ache with each other when it aches, rejoice when it’s really good…but guard ourselves against strife and fill each other’s empty arms with each other and with Christ.